I Know You Won't
by feris16
Summary: <html><head></head>[based on Carrie Underwood's song I Know you won't] Rachel is done with putting up with Noah's betrayal and decides it's time to make a final decision. Rated M for language and mentions of sex. Maybe have explicit sexual content in future chapters.</html>
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't own Glee or the song I know you won't by Carrie Underwood.

She was standing in the middle of the room, staring for the last time at the place she had called home for the past 5 years. Her 18 months old son Aaron Finn Puckerman was on her hip, his little head resting against his mother's shoulder as he sucked his thumb. He looks so much like his father and her heart broke that much more as her gaze moves from her son to the now emptier room, all hers and Aaron's things were gone, they were packed and on a moving truck on their way across the country to their new house, all that was left was Noah's things and most of the furniture they had got together. She didn't wanted them, she didn't want all the memories that came with them, she was moving because she couldn't deal with all the memories of the happiness they once had, the hurt and sadness that has now all around the place but specially, she wanted to get away from what could have been, everything they planned for the future and that now was gone, destroyed just like her heart and her dreams of a family and happy endings.

Rachel held her son tighter to her as her eyes welled up with tears and she was trying hard to hold it together, she had to be strong for the little boy in her arms, he needed his mommy to be strong because his life was changing so much already. Aaron pulled his head from her shoulder and looked at his mom's sad face and teary eyes, "**_Mommy, where daddy?_**" and that's all it took, three little words from her son and she crumbled down, tears now falling freely from her eyes and she began shaking. Aaron was so confused seeing his mommy crying like that, so he just wrapped his chubby little arms around her neck and hugged her tight, as Rachel held on to him for dear life. Her little boy was the only thing keeping her from falling apart completely, from giving up, he was from now on her only reason in life, and he was so innocent; he was only asking where his daddy was but how could she answer that?. How could she tell his 1 and a half year old son that his daddy wasn't here and he wouldn't be seeing him in a while? How could she tell her son that she was divorcing his dad? What words could she possibly use to explain to her innocent baby boy that the reason his dad wasn't there with them, the reason his dad had not been there more and more for quite a while now, was because his father was cheating on her, that he had another woman and that he rather spend his time with her instead of with his wife and son?. But there wasn't any words, she couldn't explain that to him, he was still so little, so Rachel did the only thing she could, "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so so so sorry. Mommy is so sorry! It's just you and me now, baby". She kissed his forehead repeatedly as she sobbed, "But he loves you, baby boy. Daddy loves you so much, I know he does, that will never change. I'm the one he stopped loving. I'm so sorry Aaron…Mommy is sorry that she couldn't keep your family together. I'm sorry for failing you, sweetie. I just hope one day you can forgive me". She couldn't keep talking, she just weep, and holding her son tight against her as her sobs raked her body.

"_He has nothing to forgive you, Rach. If someone needs to beg for his forgiveness is Puck, not you. He is the one that cheated, he is the one that destroyed this family. He had the best woman in the world, he got you to marry him and he was one lucky man to have such an amazing little boy…and he was the idiot that gave it all up for a cheap…toss on the sheets_", Sam bite back the bad words because Aaron was a little sponge, but he couldn't hold back his anger. He had been friends with both, Puck and Rachel since high school, he knew what they both had gone through and he just couldn't believe Puck had done this with their marriage, he couldn't believe he'd done it to Rachel. Ever since he found out he had been itching to beat the man he once thought as a best friend into a pulp, if he didn't jumped on a plane and came to L.A. to do that was because Rachel had begged him not to, and made him swear not to tell anything. How could a man be so stupid and throw away the best life any guy could hope for, all just because of sex, even more, sex with Quinn Fabray?. Sam pulled a shaking, sobbing Rachel into a hug, rubbing her back and trying to comfort her. He heard footsteps coming to a halt and then a small gasp, followed by a slender figure rushing towards them.

"_Oh honey, no. Come here, don't cry_", Kurt pulled Rachel into his arms and tried to calmed her down. Sam still kept his hand rubbing soothing circles on Rachel's back. Aaron pulled back and looked at his mother, his own hazel green eyes full of tears too, "**_Yeah mommy, no cry. Me no like mommy sad_**". Rachel didn't want her little boy to see her falling apart like this, she was the mom, she had to be strong to protect him and hold him when he cried not the other way around. So she pulled herself together because her son needed her, she had him, even if Noah had taken everything from her with his betrayal, even when he had hurt her more than anyone before, he had given her Aaron and for that she would be eternally grateful. She wiped her tears away and smiled at the baby boy, "I won't cry anymore, okay honey? Mommy won't be sad anymore", the boy nodded and gave her a kiss, "**_I wove you mommy_**", he said as he gave her a tight hug, "I wove you more, munchkin". She stood there hugging her son until Sam cleared his throat, and they pulled apart and turned to see him, "_Come on, little man let's go make sure we have all your cars in the bag", _the blonde man opened his arms for the kid and the little boy jumped on them, "**_And me panes, Ucle Sam. No leave me panes", _**the blonde chuckled as he carried to boy to the door, "Of course we won't leave your planes, buddy". The boy loved his planes and his toy guitar because his daddy liked both of those.

Once they were out the door, Kurt enveloped Rachel in a tight hug, "_You're not alone on this, sweetheart. We're right here, and I won't leave you alone. We're gonna take care of you and Aaron. You have us, Rach". _And she hugged him that much tighter because she really needed to know she wasn't alone, it felt like a weight been lifted off her shoulders knowing someone cared and had her back, because she had felt so utterly alone for so many months; it was a relieve to know she and Aaron had people there for them to lean on through all of this. And once again she knew she had done the right thing by calling Kurt and Sam and asking them to come and be with her for this, when she finally packed her things and leave her cheating husband.

It wasn't easy, not at all, in fact it had taken her a long time to finally have the courage to make a decision instead of just hide. She must be a hell of an actress because for months she had pretended her husband wasn't cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend, and that her marriage was still the bond of love she had vowed to never break instead of the joke it really was. Rachel had planned this carefully, she had to think 4 times before making any decision because Aaron was in the middle of all and she would never hurt him, so she had to do this right. She had been slowly setting it all in place, she had talked to her agent and he already had quite a few job offers for her in NY, she had called her best friends and asked them to help her find a place for them, everything was done. She had found the invoice for the hotel reservation in Napa for the weekend about 3 weeks ago, that's when she set everything in motion. She had begged to Noah to take time off and take her to Napa, just the two of them, for a romantic getaway for months, she had talked no stop about how amazing it would be to be there with him alone, and he was always busy, but he was taking _her, _he was taking Quinn. She had held a tiny little hope that he would surprise her, so she waited, 3 days after finding the invoice he told her he had a business trip on that exact weekend, and it was then, in that exact moment, when Noah lied to her face for god knows what time, that she finally gave up on him, on their "love" and on this marriage. Rach settled everything and then called Sam and Kurt and told them she was leaving and asked them to come because she needed them, and so the day Noah left for his "business trip" they arrived, helped her pack up her and Aaron's things, put them in the moving truck and shipped them to NY before the four of them fly there this afternoon, before Noah came back. She couldn't yet believe that 6 years of relationship, 4 of marriage, were all ending now, and like this; but it had to be done, she couldn't keep doing this to herself and to her son.

Kurt looked her in the eyes and asked if she was ready, and she nodded, grabbing the two envelops from the table and heading to the master bedroom. When she entered she felt like she couldn't breathe, all the memories came rushing back, all those times Noah had made love to her in that place, and the times they just laid in bed, cuddled into each other talking. Rachel walked over to the bed and slowly ran her hand over the mattress wandering where had all that love went? What happened to the man she love? Because the Noah she fell in love with would had never done this to her and their family. She let one tear fall, one tear, which was all she would give him anymore. She placed the yellow envelop on the bed and on top of that the smaller white envelope with his name on it. Then she walked to the stereo that was on the side of the room and put in the CD she had made, it contain only one song, the song she had wrote for him. She put it on loop so the song would be played over and over again until Noah came home, she knew she had at least another 5 or 6 hours before that happened. She walked out of the room after one last look around and then headed back to Kurt's awaiting arms, she grabbed her purse and carry-on bag and they headed out to the airport.

Rachel stared out of the window the whole ride to LAX, watching the city she had called home for 5 years. She remember the day she moved here, Noah had been waiting for her outside the gate with the biggest bouquet of red roses. It had been a year since Noah had been deployed and injured during an ambush, exactly 10 months since he showed up on her door in NY telling her he was in love with her, that he had realized he made a mistake getting back together with Quinn and that when he thought he was living his last minutes of life she was the only one in his mind, and he got her and her heart right there and then. They began dating that day and 4 months later Noah got promoted and offered a position as flying instructor on a base an hour away from L.A. They lasted 6 months on a long distance relationship until they couldn't take been apart, so Rachel packed up her life and moved to L.A., living friends, career and everything else in NY because her heart was here. They began living together and despite their fights it was perfect. A few months later she got a role on a new t.v. show, that turned out to be a hit show for 4 years. 6 months after moving Noah got down on one knee and asked her to be his wife, one year after arriving at L.A. she became Mrs. Puckerman in an amazing ceremony overlooking the ocean, her dream wedding. Noah left the air force and became an sports agent, he became partner with his brother Jake and with Matt Rutherford, who had been doing that since graduating college, their agency became one of the best in the west coast, almost all of the Lakers and the L.A. Galaxy were their clients. A little over two years ago she had found out she was pregnant with Aaron and they couldn't had been happier, everything in their lives was working out great. Noah's business was thriving and her show was on its last season, which leave her free to enjoy her pregnancy and motherhood. She took a sabbatical after Aaron was born, becoming a stay at home mom because she wanted to spend every minute with her baby, not wanting to miss anything of him, and it was the best decision because her little boy was amazing, he was the light of her life. 8 months ago she was offered to make her first album and she accepted and had been working on that since then, her agent had arranged that she would finish the recording back in NY now. And it was around that time she found out Noah was cheating on her with none other than Quinn Fabray. Rach had suspicions for a couple of months but she refused to believe Noah would cheat on her, it wasn't until she accidentally saw a text where they set a date for them to meet. She followed him and saw them kissing. She was so mad at first, furious, she wanted to ripe their heads off, but when she came back home hell bent on confronting him and throwing his cheating ass on the street, she watched Aaron sleeping peacefully and she became terrified. She was scared to death of raising him alone, she was afraid that is she break his family he will grow up and hate her for that; and she couldn't do it. Deep down she knew she was scared of losing Noah for herself too, so she hold it up, she pushed the truth aside and pretended she didn't knew everytime he lied to her to go be with Quinn, she pretended not to smell her on him late at night, she pretended he wasn't distant when they made love, and then she pretended they were still making love instead of having sex because Rachel loved him so much and couldn't picture her life without him. Bu even the best actress can only pretend for so long, because not even the bravest men would voluntarily put themselves through daily torture forever, the rest of her life was too long to live with no love and no dignity.

The arrival to the airport, the security check and the boarding was a blur to her. Before she knew it she was on her seat, with Aaron asleep in her arms looking out the window to the clear sky. Her mind wandered back to two nights ago, the night before Noah was going away, she asked him to come home early and he had agreed. He got to spend some good quality time with Aaron, they played on the pool, played with his toys and watched a movie before Noah read him a story and put him to bed. Rachel knew this was her last night with her husband, this was the last time she would be Mrs. Noah Puckerman, tomorrow after he was gone she was gonna packed her belongings, grab her son and leave him so he could finally be free to be with the woman he really wanted. But that night, just for that night, she was going to be selfish, she wanted to make love to the man that she loves more than anything and just forget about the fact that he was the same man that had been slowly killing him with his lies for months. That night she brought out the champagne, put on her sexiest lingerie, played their song (the same song he sang to her when he came to NY for her, the one that was playing in the background when he proposed and that he sang to her on their wedding day), lit candles and made love to her husband all night. And she did made love to him, she poured all of her into that moment, put her heart and soul into every kiss, every touch, every caress, every thrust, every hushed whisper, every I love you; all the love she had for that man was pouring out of her because that was the last time she would have him like this. When he fell asleep, after hours of love making she just stared at him and watched him sleep, committing into her memory all his features. The next day when he left she told him I love you looking him deep in the eyes, and kissed him for all she was worth, she then made Aaron hugged him super tight and tell his daddy he loves him and then watched him leave. Rachel then closed her eyes and replayed in her mind that last night with her Noah.


	2. Chapter 2

**I Know You Won't **

**Chapter 2**

**A.N: Here is the second chapter of this story. I hope to hear of all Puckleberry shippers out there and hopefully you like the story. Please Read & Review! **

Noah had no idea what was happening to him, why was he feeling like this all of a sudden?. He had been cheating on Rachel for months now, and yes at first he felt so guilty he couldn't ever look at her in the eyes, sometimes he still couldn't, he knew this was wrong, so wrong but he couldn't help himself. Quinn was like crack, he knew it was bad for him, make him sick, turn him into someone he was not, someone he despise and yet he needed to get his regular fix of it. Noah Puckerman was a bastard son of a bitch, he had a wife he loves because yes no matter how screwed up it sounded and even when he was cheating on her, he did love Rachel more than anything in his life. She and Aaron were his everything, they were what gave his life meaning. And that's why he couldn't explain why if he loved his wife and family, did he went and sleep with someone else, and Quinn of all people! He knew, he knew that if Rachel ever found out that he was sleeping with Quinn that it would kill her, just imagining that shattered look on those big brown eyes he loves so much made him shiver; he knew Rachel would never forgive an infidelity, she had told him that time and time again. So why had he done it? The one thing he knows Rachel could never forgive, why was he risking the most precious things in his life?. Because he was a fucking moron! Because he was drunk and gave into Quinn that first time and then could stop, and if Rachel ever finds out…. "No", he shook his head, "Rachel won't find out, ever. She CAN'T find out", the idea of losing her was much too painful, so every time it came to his mind he pushed it away, because he was a selfish bastard that knew he was playing a dangerous game but refuse to acknowledge the possibility of his actions costing him the love of his life and his child.

But something was different this time, ever since Quinn convinced him to take her to this damn hotel in Napa he had a bad feeling about this, so he had been extra careful so Rachel didn't suspect, he had covered his ass like every time before. Usually every time he was with Quinn it was like he was on a daze, one that pushed all the guilt and images of his wife out of his mind, but not this time. This time Rachel had been present in his mind all the time. The way she acted the night before he left, the way she set everything up for them, their song, the lingerie, but most importantly the way she gave herself to him, so completely, so utterly his. Making love to his wife had always been a heavenly experience, no matter how passionate and raw they could get there was always so much love there, but this time it went beyond that. He felt so connected to Rachel, like he could see deep in her soul and all he saw was love and something else, something that left him feeling weird. He thought be with Quinn would made him forget that, but it was the opposite, it made it worse. He even got as far and stopping and told her he couldn't do it, he couldn't be with her, but Quinn Fabray knows how to fuel his lust and she ended up seducing him into sex, but right after he was down from his release he felt disgusted with himself. He couldn't get images of Rachel's loving surrender to him out of his mind, even as he was fucking Quinn he was thinking of his wife. Because the big difference was that Quinn was just a fuck, a great one, but never more than a fuck; but Rachel, his Rachel, she was love in its purest most amazing form, and he didn't deserved her after doing was he was doing to her. It wasn't until the first morning in Napa that he realized why this damn hotel sounded so familiar to him, it was the same hotel Rachel had been begging him to come on a romantic getaway. He hated himself in that moment, he was in raged with himself, and he couldn't believe he had done this, he had brought his mistress here when his wife, the love of his life, had been begging him to come for so long. He knew then why he felt this way, what he was doing to Rachel was wrong and heartless but he had reached a whole new level of low this time, and even if Rachel have no idea, he was going to make her up for this, he had vowed himself that he will.

He kept telling himself that since he realized what he did, he told Quinn this was wrong, that they needed to stop, but she cried and begged him not to leave her, that she wasn't asking for anything more than what he could give her, and then they had sex again. But he made up his mind, he had been spending too much time with Quinn when his true priorities were pushed aside. When Rachel asked him to come home early before his trip he did it more out of guilt than anything else, but spending that time with his son, and then the night with his wife made him realize that he was missing out on something priceless and all for a meaningless fuck. Spending time with his little boy, playing with him, watching him smile and laugh and be amazed at everything, putting him to bed and having him telling him he woves him had made him feel like her was the man, like he was worth a million bucks, when in fact he was a worthless cheater. He was going to tell Rachel he was going to 'work' less and spend more time at home with them, Quinn will just have to deal with seeing him less.

Noah stopped at a flower shop and got Rachel a huge bouquet of red rose, her favorites, and then went to buy his son a plane because he knew he loves them, and they will play with it when he get home. He was anxious as he speeded a little more, he couldn't wait to get home, kiss his wife and picked his little man in his arms and see their smiles at what he got them. As he made his way home he couldn't remember the last time he was this eager to get home and be with his family, and then he started thinking back to when Rachel moved here and how they both ran back home as soon as work was over and told each other how much they had missed the other on those hours they were away. How could he had let himself forget that? How could he had neglected Rachel like that? But no more, he wanted to feel this excited every night again.

When he pulled over outside of his home, the house looked dark. He shrugged and got his bag and the presents he bought and made his way inside, "Rachel, baby I'm back!" he called out as he shut the door close. But he didn't got a response, and when he turned around all the lights were off. As he walked more into the house he felt a shiver in his back, the house felt different, "Rachel? Aaron?". He turned on a lamp and looked around the dimly lit room, it looked different, something wasn't right, he didn't knew what was different but he knew something was up. Worry washed over him, what if something had happened? What if Rachel and Aaron were hurt; that sprinted him into action, he ran up the stairs two at a time calling out for them, "Rachel? Aaron?!" When he reached the top of the stairs he heard something, music, coming from the master bedroom. He then breathed a sigh of relief, Rachel and Aaron were probably having a bath and just haven't heard him, he walked towards the bedroom and then stopped outside the door, the music was Rachel's voice, she was singing, but he couldn't place the song. Her album!, it was probably one of the songs of her album, she had been working so hard on that and he was so proud of her. He opened the door with a smile, "Baby that song sounds ama-", the room was dark, he turned on the lights and saw the music was only the stereo. He quickly went to the unsuited bathroom, dark and empty too. Noah shook his head as he walked back into his room, there was a hole in the pit of his stomach, something wasn't right. And that's when he saw it, on the bed, a white envelope with his name on Rachel's handwriting. Noah felt a cold sweat going down his body, this was bad, this was bad, his mind kept telling him as he took the envelope with a shaky hand. Running his other shaking hand through his hair before opening the thing and pulling out the letter.

_My Dear Noah: _

_This is probably the hardest letter I had ever wrote, which it's appropriate considering this is also the hardest decision I've ever made in my life, but I had no choice. By the time you read this letter me and Aaron would be long gone. Almost 6 years ago you showed up at my door and told me you loved me, and in that moment you stole my heart and I willingly and happily let you keep it, I fell completely in love with you then and I haven't stop since. When I made the decision to move to L.A. it was actually quite simply one to make, yes my life was in NY but my heart was here and I couldn't live without my heart…_

_And I think that's what makes this decision so hard to make now, because you still have my heart, you might not want it anymore, you clearly don't care about it anymore since you completely destroyed it, but to my bad fortune my heart, or what little is left from it, it's yours. Or was yours…..You see Noah, that's the thing here, I don't know if there's anything left from my heart to be yours, you should know since you're the one that took a sledgehammer on it and broke it into a million pieces. _

_I tried, Noah. I swear to God I tried. I tried with all my strength to keep this marriage, to make it work, because I made a vow before God to always love you, and I made a vow to my son to fight tooth and nail and don't give up on this family. But everything has a limit Noah, and I reached mine….I'm leaving you, Noah Puckerman. I'm leaving because I finally realized you can't save a marriage alone, especially not when there are three on this marriage. I'm leaving you because after months of hoping and praying you'll realize what you were leaving behind and chose our family, I finally see you had already made your choice and I was just too blind to see that you chose Quinn. Yes, Noah, you aren't that smart, you may be able to lie to everyone, even to yourself, and you've had the nerve to lie to me to my face, look me in the eye and blatantly lie to me and you really though I was stupid enough to believe all your lies. Turns out you aren't a good liar, but I am a hell of actress….Because for the past 8 months I've known you've been cheating on me with Quinn Fabray, and decided to pretend I was the stupid little wife that didn't knew her husband was fucking his ex-girlfriend. _

_The day I found out I was so mad at you, pissed beyond words, you cheated on me! I saw you kissing her, I read the texts!. I came home so ready to confront you and kick you out, but then I watched the perfect little boy we made together, out of so much love (at least from my part), and as I watched him sleep I thought what if he grows up and hates me for taking his dad away?, for throwing him out without fighting for this family?. And truth be told, I was terrified, the idea of losing you, of living my life without you, or raising Aaron alone, it killed me. It terrified me so much, that I did something I always swore I would never do, I turned a blind eye. I pushed those images of you and her and all those sickening feelings down and pretended. I pretended I believed all your lies, I pretended I didn't knew you enough to know you were lying, I pretended that ache in my heart wasn't because my husband, the man I loved like anything in this life, was lying to my face without the sightless remorse. I pretended that you didn't tasted of coconut when you kissed me after being with her, I pretended I couldn't smell her disgusting sweet and cheap perfume on you when you came home. I pretended I didn't noticed you closed your eyes and turned away when we made love when we always used to looked at each other's eyes as we reached our peaks together, I told myself even when I could feel you more and more distant, that we were still making love every time because it hurt so much to admit to myself that I had become just sex for you, a marital duty you had to fulfill in order to keep me from suspecting you were really making love to someone else. But the truth is Noah, that every time you lied, I knew; every time you came home from her I could smell her; every time we had sex I knew it wasn't love making anymore. And every time you did that I died a little inside, and even the best actress can only pretend for so long. And as much as I would like to consider myself the greatest actress, I'm too weak as a human being to keep putting myself and my son through that torture. _

_My son, my Aaron, he's been the only thing keeping me alive for all this months, he's the reason I've been putting up with this joke of a marriage. I guess, deep down, I kept holding on to this because I hoped somewhere inside of you there was still a little bit of love for me. But once again, you've prove me wrong, Noah. You know what I don't get, why you didn't just told me you didn't love me anymore?. Yes it would had hurt, but I can assure you I would had hurt a lot less than this. You killed me, Noah! And it wasn't a fast, merciful death; it was a slow and painful one. Every day you were with her, with every lie, you killed a little part of my heart. It's so hard to believe this happened, you know? That this is the way we end, I thought we were gonna grow old together, have more kids, watched them grow and form families, be good people. What happened, Noah? Where is the man I feel in love with?, the man I left everything for? Because I'm sure I marry that man filled with hopes and dreams for a future together, and I miss him so much!. But that man, MY Noah, he would had NEVER cheated on me. Where did he go?. _

_You have no idea how much you've hurt me, how much it hurt to see you with her, it was like someone was ripping my heart out. No idea how much pain it caused me to know that you had lied to me, only to have the pain be doubled every time you lied to my face. I always thought what hurts the most about infidelity was seeing or knowing the person you love is with someone else, but no, what hurts the most are the questions. Wandering what is wrong with me? Why, When did I stopped being good enough for you? What did I do to make you go to her? Was I that bad in bed? Was it the pregnancy? You stopped finding me attractive after I had your child?. That, that's what is the most painful, that feeling of not being enough for the man you love more than anything. The day I married you I felt like the luckiest woman, I felt sexy and beautiful and complete, like I had achieved one of my greatest goals, because I was marrying the love of my life and he loved me just as much. And that amazing feeling got 10 times better when I had Aaron, because he was ours; we created him out of love and I felt so proud and completely happy and fulfilled. But somewhere along the line I stopped being the woman of your dreams, I stopped fulfilling your fantasies. And you have NO idea how horrible it is to feel that you failed as a woman. That as a woman I was no longer attractive to you. It made me feel ugly, it made feel dejected, defeated as girl, I'm a failure as a woman, as a wife, and as a mom too because I couldn't keep a family for my son. I'm mad at myself for not being good enough anymore for you, I hate myself for turning the blind eye, for not being strong and end this. Along with my heart you took away my dignity, Noah, my self- respect, how pathetic is that?, You know how painful it was to see that invoice for your reservation at that Napa hotel? When I had begged you for months to go there __**with me!, **__hoping that somehow that could help save whatever was left from this marriage, but after seeing that you were taking Quinn there and not me, I finally admitted that you picked her. How pathetic am I?! You know what else is pathetic?, the fact that for the past 8 months after you go to work and I put Aaron down for his nap, I go into the shower and just cry, there under the hot water, I cry and cry. First I cried out of anger at you for doing this to us, then I cried out of sadness, sadness that I wasn't able to keep you happy, sadness that I stopped being attractive to you, sadness that I was unable to keep my husband faithful to me. I cried out of feeling defeated, out of failure, I cried out of feeling worthless as a woman, I've cried out of utter humiliation, and for the past 3 weeks I've cried out of hate. Hate at myself and the woman I've become, this isn't me, this isn't the woman I want to be, my dads didn't raise me to be this woman, I don't want my son to grow up thinking I'm this weak, afraid little woman without dignity or self-respect. But that ends today, today I chose to stop being this pathetic woman you've made of me. _

_I loved you, Noah Puckerman, with all my heart, with all that I am, I gave you everything! And you took that love and use it against me, I gave you my heart and you broke it, crushed it, and shattered it beyond repair. You broke my heart and hurt me so badly and deeply that I'm not even sure if I will ever love or trust a man again. But as much as I love you, I love my son more. And this isn't what I want him to be, this is not the example I want to give him….because I don't want Aaron to turn out like you. I don't want him to grow up thinking it's okay to cheat on the woman he claims to love. I don't want him to think women have no feelings. I don't want him to think it's okay to have no dignity like me, and let others disrespect you and walk all over you. I've was so afraid to lose you, that I lost myself, I became a woman I don't recognize. I am completely broken, I have no dignity and I'm so lost. This is not the person I want to be, this is not the person I want my son to have as a role model. So I'm leaving you before I completely lose all self-respect. I was selfish tho, for one last time, because deep in my heart you're still the love of my life. I gave myself one last night, one last time to make love to you, to MY husband. One last time to get all this love out, poured it into every kiss and every touch for the last time. _

_I'm going back to NY hoping to find myself, hoping to find the Rachel that came here 5 years ago. Along with this letter I leave you a yellow envelope, inside are the divorce papers I already signed, read them and you'll see I'm asking for joint custody of Aaron, I don't want to keep you away from him, I would never do that to my baby boy. In there is my lawyers card, call her, she knows where to find me and we can work on a schedule for you to see Aaron. I don't want anything from you, keep it all and enjoy it with Quinn, like you've been doing, I'm more than capable to support myself and my son. _

_You know, it's ironic…all your life you spend so much time and energy hating on your father, saying you will never be like him, and yet…here you are, doing to us what he did to you and your mom. Only this time you didn't have the balls to leave us or you just wanted to keep your image of a family man. But I'm done, Noah. I'm so tired of being sad, of being mad, or feeling sorry for myself; so I'm taking my life back. I hope that now that you don't have the burden of us, now that you are free from a marriage with a woman you don't love that you can be happy with the woman you clearly want to be with. Goodbye, Noah_

_I did loved you, so much, so deeply, so completely. _

_Rachel Barbara Berry._

_P.D. – The song playing on the stereo, listen to it. I wrote it for you. Take care of yourself, Puck._

**Hope you all like it! R&R**


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